Managing Expectations: How to Handle Unsolicited Advice as a New Mom

From the moment you announce your pregnancy, it’s likely that everyone — from family and friends to strangers at the grocery store — will have advice for you. While some of it may be helpful, other bits might feel intrusive, outdated, or just plain overwhelming. Learning to manage unsolicited advice is a skill that can save you frustration and empower you to trust your instincts as a new mom. Here are some tips to help you handle the influx of advice with grace and confidence.

1. Remember, You Know What’s Best for Your Baby

You’ve spent months getting to know your baby, understanding their unique needs, and developing your own parenting style. Trusting yourself as the expert on your child is a powerful way to navigate unsolicited advice. While it’s fine to consider suggestions, remember that you know your baby best. Feel confident in your decisions, knowing that you’re making the right choices based on what works for you and your family.

2. Respond Politely, But Firmly

It’s normal to feel taken aback when someone offers advice you didn’t ask for, but keeping your response polite and firm can help set boundaries. A simple, “Thank you for sharing that” or “I appreciate the advice, but we’ve got it under control” can be enough to acknowledge their input without feeling obligated to follow it. Polite, boundary-setting responses communicate that you’re capable and have your own approach to parenting.

3. Pick and Choose the Advice That Works for You

Not all unsolicited advice is bad advice — sometimes, people share tips that genuinely help. Approach new advice with an open but discerning mind, taking only what resonates with you and aligns with your values. If a piece of advice doesn’t feel right, don’t feel pressured to follow it. You’re free to adapt suggestions that make sense and let go of the rest, creating a parenting style that feels authentic to you.

4. Seek Out Trusted Sources

When you do need guidance, seek advice from trusted sources who support your goals and parenting approach. This might include your pediatrician, parenting books, or a close friend who shares your values. Having reliable people or resources you can turn to for advice will help you feel more secure in your choices, reducing the need to rely on unsolicited input.

5. Use Humor to Defuse Tension

Sometimes, the best way to handle well-meaning but intrusive advice is with a little humor. If a family member keeps bringing up an outdated parenting practice, you could say something light-hearted like, “Ah, we’re sticking to the ‘modern parenting’ manual!” Humor can defuse tension, keep the conversation lighthearted, and subtly reinforce your stance without causing offense.

6. Reflect on Your Boundaries and Communicate Them

Setting boundaries can prevent situations where you feel overwhelmed or pressured. Reflect on your boundaries and practice communicating them gently but directly. You might say, “We’re working with our pediatrician on this” or “I appreciate your insights, but I’ve got a plan that works for us.” Expressing your needs and preferences can minimize unwanted advice while keeping relationships harmonious.

7. Embrace Your Own Journey

Each parent-child relationship is unique, and your journey as a mother will look different from others. Embrace the learning curve, trust your intuition, and feel proud of the choices you make every day. Remember, you’re on a path that’s right for you and your family, so don’t let outside opinions deter you from what feels best for you and your baby.

Handling unsolicited advice can be a challenge, but with patience and a healthy sense of self-assurance, you can navigate it with grace. By setting boundaries, responding thoughtfully, and trusting your instincts, you’ll create a parenting style that’s authentically yours, focused on what’s best for your baby and yourself.